5 Self-Care Tips to Reduce Anxiety and Stress from Your San Luis Obispo Therapist

You know you are smart and capable, with the ability to deeply connect with others. You’re also chronically consumed by worry, anxiety, and stress, while simultaneously ruminating on all the things you should have said differently last week. You frequently say “yes” when you want to say “no” because you just can’t let anyone down. You find yourself frequently holding your breath, and you have knots in your shoulders the size of golf balls. Sound familiar?

I know your struggles!

Hi, I’m Andrea Bey, LMFT and I’m a San Luis Obispo therapist for women. Below are 5 self-care tips that have helped my clients (and myself) manage anxiety and stress more effectively. I hope you find them useful.

Self-Care Tip #1 to manage anxiety and stress: Say “No” So You Can Say “Yes”

When we say “yes” to others out of guilt or fear, it adds additional stress to our lives. This can lead to feelings of resentment towards the person who asked you to complete the task, even though they likely have no idea how you’re feeling.

For some people, big gatherings and social engagements fill up their energy tanks. For others, alone time is the only way to refuel.

So ask yourself, “How do I refuel my energy tank?”

Once you’re able to answer this for yourself, you’ll know what types of activities recharge you, and which activities drain your energy.

The next time you are asked to take on the task that is not a good fit for you or your life, practice assertively say, “No, that won’t work for me .” If you would like to take on a different task, speak up. Life is about connection, authentic communication, and some compromise. However, if you are consistently not getting your needs met, your life will be filled with a lot more stress and a lot less joy. By speaking your truth and saying “No” more often to things that zap your energy, you’ll free yourself up to say “Yes” more often to the activities and people that are most meaningful to you.

Self-Care Tip #2: Quality Time (either with loved ones or by yourself)

As stated above, we all refuel differently. For some, a snuggle session with our child, spouse, or pet after a tough day is the best de-stress remedy. For others, it’s a quiet night at home reading and taking a bath. For others, it’s playing tennis with friends after work or jamming out with the band. Whatever quality time means to you, make it a priority!

Self-Care Tip #3: Write It Down

I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and writing things down helps me remember important appointments, tasks, ideas, etc. By quickly documenting random information floating around my head, I don’t have to worry about forgetting it, and I can come back to it later when it is more convenient. One of my favorite ways to do this is to use voice-to-text in the notes app on my phone.

You may also want to give journaling a try. Many of my clients report that journaling their self-defeating thoughts, worries, and concerns helps them to take a step back and gain perspective. You may discover that your self-defeating thoughts and worries lose much of their power once you write them down or say them aloud.

Self-Care for Anxiety Tip #4: Sleep Hygiene

Sleep hygiene is just a fancy term for practices and habits that set you up for restful sleep. I am a night owl by nature. To get to bed at a decent time, a nighttime routine is a must. This includes limiting screen time an hour before bed, using soft lighting, and reading a book. I also like to listen to a guided visualization each night to prepare my mind and body for rest.

Going to bed at a decent time is a difficult one for me, and sometimes I get sucked into the social media black hole. Remember, progress not perfection!

Self-Care Tip #5: A Walk a Day Keeps Anxiety at Bay

Exercise is so important for physical health, and for mental and emotional well-being. The key is to choose physical activities that you enjoy, and that you can commit to regularly. I have always loved walking, whether it’s by myself, with a friend, or with my dogs. When I walk every day I notice that my mood improves, I think more clearly, and I feel less stressed.

What is your favorite form of exercise?

It may be running, walking, cycling, swimming, playing tennis, dancing or anything else that gets your body moving. Committing to exercise a few days a week has been shown to improve mood (which reduces symptoms of anxiety and depression), improves sleep, reduces stress levels, and boosts self-esteem and confidence.

I hope these tips help you on your journey to more effectively manage anxiety and stress in your life. I also hope it sparks new self-care strategies that work best for you.

Are you in need of more individualized support for anxiety and stress management?

If you’re a woman who lives in California and want individualized support for anxiety and stress, click here to schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation. My name is Andrea Bey, LMFT and I’m an Arroyo Grande and San Luis Obispo therapist who specializes in trauma and EMDR therapy, and Anxiety. Take good care my friends!

6 Myths About Counseling and Therapy in San Luis Obispo

In a previous blog post I shared Tips to Find a Great San Luis Obispo Therapist, Psychologist, or Counselor. So, you’ve identified a few counselors that seem nice, and you may have your first session scheduled… and yet you have doubts. Should you be going to therapy for your issue? Will therapy even help? Can you afford it? 

It makes sense that you have doubts. We live in a success-obsessed, outcomes-based culture that places great value on self-sufficiency and an individualistic mindset. While there is nothing wrong with striving for success, it’s important to find a balance. We are social beings and thrive with strong connections and support from others. The self-sufficient mindset can be dangerous when it discourages people from seeking support, which can increase isolation and intensify symptoms of anxiety, stress, and depression. 

Hi, I’m Andrea Bey, LMFT, and San Luis Obispo therapist. Below I’ll identify 6 common myths and misconceptions about therapy and counseling and offer some alternative insights.

Myth #1: “I should be able to solve my problems on my own, or by talking to my family or friends.”

I wish it was this easy! Counselors spend years in school, and even more time outside of school learning how to best support people who are struggling with various life stressors, relationship struggles, and mental health disorders.

I believe that many issues can be solved on your own and/or by talking it through with loved ones, once you have the right tools. A big part of therapy is learning tools and techniques for solving problems on your own in the future.

Getting an outside, objective perspective from a therapist who is not emotionally tied to your family can be so valuable. 

Myth #2: “I’m weak if I need outside support to solve my problems."

It takes a lot of guts to acknowledge that you need help. It takes even more courageous to speak your truth, and seek the support, tools, and self-understanding you need to thrive.

Myth #3: “Therapy is too expensive for me.”

Therapy is a significant investment in your own wellbeing, as is health insurance, a gym membership, chiropractic care, and other self-care activities such as massage, nail and hair services. Some therapists contract directly with health insurance companies for individual therapy. Other therapists, such as myself, are out-of-network providers that can provide you with a superbill to send to your insurance company for possible partial reimbursement. There are also some community agencies and nonprofit organizations that offer free or reduced-fee services based on income. Group therapy is an alternative to individual therapy and is often much less expensive per session. 

What is the potential cost if you do not seek support? It may be your relationship with your significant other, your job, or continuing to suffer in silence with debilitating panic attacks. I believe that your mental health and wellbeing is a worthwhile investment.

Myth #4: “I will be viewed as crazy if I go to a therapist.”

How would you view your best friend if they told you that they are going to a therapist for support with a problem in their life? Most likely your first thought would not be, “You’re crazy!” Many of us are much kinder to others than we are to ourselves. 

Although some people do seek counseling for severe mental illness, people also seek therapy every day for common issues such as relationship struggles, feelings of sadness and grief after a loss, and for support with navigating life transitions, such a marriage, the birth of a child, career changes, etc. 

Myth #5: “I’ve tried therapy before and it doesn’t work for me.”

What may not work at one stage of life may be just what is needed at another stage. You may have tried therapy as a kid while living in an abusive home, or you may have gone to a few sessions in college when you were in a toxic relationship. Your life may be different now. You may now live in a safe and stable home environment, and be ready to finally process that past trauma and move on with your life. 

Myth #6: “What happens at home should stay at home.” 

In my opinion, this is the most detrimental myth. So many of us were taught by our parents and family to keep our mouths shut about what goes on at home. In addition to ignoring dad’s violence, mom’s depression, and Sam’s eating disorder, we were expected to make excuses when questioned by others. I love the AA adage, “We are only as sick as our secrets.” 

It takes immense courage to speak about the unspeakable. In my work as a trauma and EMDR therapist, I’ve come to realize that many of the secrets we carry are wrapped in shame and were placed on us by someone else. With support from a trained counselor or therapist, you can unload your backpack of shame, process past trauma, and confidentiality move forward. You don’t have to suffer in silence any longer. 

Ready to Give Therapy a Try?

You deserve support from someone who can help you move past your trauma and daily struggles and toward your best life. I hope the information above helps you find the best San Luis Obispo therapist for you. If you are ready to speak your truth and give therapy a try, give me a call at 805-225-4495 for a free 15-minute phone consultation. I specialize in EMDR therapy for women in San Luis Obispo, CA