5 Self-Care Tips to Reduce Anxiety and Stress from Your San Luis Obispo Therapist

You know you are smart and capable, with the ability to deeply connect with others. You’re also chronically consumed by worry, anxiety, and stress, while simultaneously ruminating on all the things you should have said differently last week. You frequently say “yes” when you want to say “no” because you just can’t let anyone down. You find yourself frequently holding your breath, and you have knots in your shoulders the size of golf balls. Sound familiar?

I know your struggles!

Hi, I’m Andrea Bey, LMFT and I’m a San Luis Obispo therapist for women. Below are 5 self-care tips that have helped my clients (and myself) manage anxiety and stress more effectively. I hope you find them useful.

Self-Care Tip #1 to manage anxiety and stress: Say “No” So You Can Say “Yes”

When we say “yes” to others out of guilt or fear, it adds additional stress to our lives. This can lead to feelings of resentment towards the person who asked you to complete the task, even though they likely have no idea how you’re feeling.

For some people, big gatherings and social engagements fill up their energy tanks. For others, alone time is the only way to refuel.

So ask yourself, “How do I refuel my energy tank?”

Once you’re able to answer this for yourself, you’ll know what types of activities recharge you, and which activities drain your energy.

The next time you are asked to take on the task that is not a good fit for you or your life, practice assertively say, “No, that won’t work for me .” If you would like to take on a different task, speak up. Life is about connection, authentic communication, and some compromise. However, if you are consistently not getting your needs met, your life will be filled with a lot more stress and a lot less joy. By speaking your truth and saying “No” more often to things that zap your energy, you’ll free yourself up to say “Yes” more often to the activities and people that are most meaningful to you.

Self-Care Tip #2: Quality Time (either with loved ones or by yourself)

As stated above, we all refuel differently. For some, a snuggle session with our child, spouse, or pet after a tough day is the best de-stress remedy. For others, it’s a quiet night at home reading and taking a bath. For others, it’s playing tennis with friends after work or jamming out with the band. Whatever quality time means to you, make it a priority!

Self-Care Tip #3: Write It Down

I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and writing things down helps me remember important appointments, tasks, ideas, etc. By quickly documenting random information floating around my head, I don’t have to worry about forgetting it, and I can come back to it later when it is more convenient. One of my favorite ways to do this is to use voice-to-text in the notes app on my phone.

You may also want to give journaling a try. Many of my clients report that journaling their self-defeating thoughts, worries, and concerns helps them to take a step back and gain perspective. You may discover that your self-defeating thoughts and worries lose much of their power once you write them down or say them aloud.

Self-Care for Anxiety Tip #4: Sleep Hygiene

Sleep hygiene is just a fancy term for practices and habits that set you up for restful sleep. I am a night owl by nature. To get to bed at a decent time, a nighttime routine is a must. This includes limiting screen time an hour before bed, using soft lighting, and reading a book. I also like to listen to a guided visualization each night to prepare my mind and body for rest.

Going to bed at a decent time is a difficult one for me, and sometimes I get sucked into the social media black hole. Remember, progress not perfection!

Self-Care Tip #5: A Walk a Day Keeps Anxiety at Bay

Exercise is so important for physical health, and for mental and emotional well-being. The key is to choose physical activities that you enjoy, and that you can commit to regularly. I have always loved walking, whether it’s by myself, with a friend, or with my dogs. When I walk every day I notice that my mood improves, I think more clearly, and I feel less stressed.

What is your favorite form of exercise?

It may be running, walking, cycling, swimming, playing tennis, dancing or anything else that gets your body moving. Committing to exercise a few days a week has been shown to improve mood (which reduces symptoms of anxiety and depression), improves sleep, reduces stress levels, and boosts self-esteem and confidence.

I hope these tips help you on your journey to more effectively manage anxiety and stress in your life. I also hope it sparks new self-care strategies that work best for you.

Are you in need of more individualized support for anxiety and stress management?

If you’re a woman who lives in California and want individualized support for anxiety and stress, click here to schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation. My name is Andrea Bey, LMFT and I’m an Arroyo Grande and San Luis Obispo therapist who specializes in trauma and EMDR therapy, and Anxiety. Take good care my friends!

How to Reduce Anxiety and Stress by Setting Healthy Boundaries from Your San Luis Obispo Therapist

Anxiety strikes again- the stomach-churning, the heart racing, the chest tightening, the feelings of dread and worry for what is to come next. If you have ever struggled with anxiety or stress, you’re well aware of these overwhelming feelings and body sensations.

There are many different causes of anxiety, including a genetic predisposition, a traumatic experience, or an insecure attachment relationship with our first caregiver. Sometimes anxiety is directly related to our experience in toxic relationships. Regardless of where the anxiety stems from, during times of stress, symptoms of anxiety often skyrocket. This is when healthy personal boundaries and excellent self-care is essential. But what do you do if you struggle with setting healthy boundaries?

Healthy Boundaries and the Gate Analogy 

Years ago my own therapist explained healthy personal boundaries to me using an analogy. It goes like this: Your boundaries are like a gate. You can change the gate with each situation and with each person that you encounter.

With your most trusted confidants, your gate may be very minimal, with a small latch and a gate that swings with ease. This type of boundary is reserved for people who love you and accept you, flaws and all. These relationships build you up and help you feel loved, valued and understood.

The second type of gate/boundary is sturdier.  It might be like a picket fence with a solid latch. It can be opened and closed easily, but with intention. This type of boundary you can use with many people in your life, including friends, acquaintances, neighbors, employers etc. These are likely people that you like and enjoy, but may pick and choose what information you choose to share with them. Rather than just stopping by, in these types of relationships there is often a phone call, a plan or an appointment made prior to interacting. This gate/boundary is friendly and flexible, but it’s also not an open 24/7, unrestricted access, type of boundary. 

Then there’s a third category. This gate/boundary is secure and under lock and key. Sometimes the gate might even have surveillance or barbed wire on the top. This is used for people who are toxic to your own wellbeing. They may consistently disrespect your boundaries, put you down and/or harm you physically, mentally or emotionally. It is still a gate, meaning there may be times that you choose to interact with these people under certain circumstances. However, remember that the choice is up to you. You are in control of whether or not to open the gate or keep it closed. Before you decide to open the gate in these types of relationships, it may be helpful to ask yourself the following questions:

Will engaging in this interaction harm my physical, mental or emotional wellbeing?

Am I currently in the right state of mind to engage in this interaction? 

If I do choose to engage, how will I take care of myself afterward? 

Is there a safe person in my life that I can talk to afterward if this interaction doesn’t go well?

For me, the most empowering part of this analogy is the reminder that, as an adult, I am in control of my own boundaries and how they function. I can reconstruct and transform my gates/boundaries as I see fit. This can be a powerful realization, especially for those of us who have struggled with anxiety and/or navigating difficult relationships. 

Call Today for a Free Phone Consultation

Dealing with anxiety, stress, and past trauma can be overwhelming and exhausting. However, the more tools and strategies you have to work with your anxiety, rather than against it, the better. Although anxiety may not be something that you can completely eliminate, I do believe that it can be effectively managed so that you may live a happy, fulfilling, and meaningful life.

My name is Andrea Bey, LMFT and I’m an Arroyo Grande and San Luis Obispo therapist for women in CA who struggle with past trauma and current anxiety. I specialize in EMDR therapy. If you’re interested in learning more about how to manage past trauma or current stress and anxiety through therapy, click here to contact me for your FREE 15-minute phone consultation.

Take good care of yourself. Remember, you are worthy of the same care, attention, and kindness that you give to others.