How to Reduce Anxiety and Stress by Setting Healthy Boundaries from Your San Luis Obispo Therapist

Anxiety strikes again- the stomach-churning, the heart racing, the chest tightening, the feelings of dread and worry for what is to come next. If you have ever struggled with anxiety or stress, you’re well aware of these overwhelming feelings and body sensations.

There are many different causes of anxiety, including a genetic predisposition, a traumatic experience, or an insecure attachment relationship with our first caregiver. Sometimes anxiety is directly related to our experience in toxic relationships. Regardless of where the anxiety stems from, during times of stress, symptoms of anxiety often skyrocket. This is when healthy personal boundaries and excellent self-care is essential. But what do you do if you struggle with setting healthy boundaries?

Healthy Boundaries and the Gate Analogy 

Years ago my own therapist explained healthy personal boundaries to me using an analogy. It goes like this: Your boundaries are like a gate. You can change the gate with each situation and with each person that you encounter.

With your most trusted confidants, your gate may be very minimal, with a small latch and a gate that swings with ease. This type of boundary is reserved for people who love you and accept you, flaws and all. These relationships build you up and help you feel loved, valued and understood.

The second type of gate/boundary is sturdier.  It might be like a picket fence with a solid latch. It can be opened and closed easily, but with intention. This type of boundary you can use with many people in your life, including friends, acquaintances, neighbors, employers etc. These are likely people that you like and enjoy, but may pick and choose what information you choose to share with them. Rather than just stopping by, in these types of relationships there is often a phone call, a plan or an appointment made prior to interacting. This gate/boundary is friendly and flexible, but it’s also not an open 24/7, unrestricted access, type of boundary. 

Then there’s a third category. This gate/boundary is secure and under lock and key. Sometimes the gate might even have surveillance or barbed wire on the top. This is used for people who are toxic to your own wellbeing. They may consistently disrespect your boundaries, put you down and/or harm you physically, mentally or emotionally. It is still a gate, meaning there may be times that you choose to interact with these people under certain circumstances. However, remember that the choice is up to you. You are in control of whether or not to open the gate or keep it closed. Before you decide to open the gate in these types of relationships, it may be helpful to ask yourself the following questions:

Will engaging in this interaction harm my physical, mental or emotional wellbeing?

Am I currently in the right state of mind to engage in this interaction? 

If I do choose to engage, how will I take care of myself afterward? 

Is there a safe person in my life that I can talk to afterward if this interaction doesn’t go well?

For me, the most empowering part of this analogy is the reminder that, as an adult, I am in control of my own boundaries and how they function. I can reconstruct and transform my gates/boundaries as I see fit. This can be a powerful realization, especially for those of us who have struggled with anxiety and/or navigating difficult relationships. 

Call Today for a Free Phone Consultation

Dealing with anxiety, stress, and past trauma can be overwhelming and exhausting. However, the more tools and strategies you have to work with your anxiety, rather than against it, the better. Although anxiety may not be something that you can completely eliminate, I do believe that it can be effectively managed so that you may live a happy, fulfilling, and meaningful life.

My name is Andrea Bey, LMFT and I’m an Arroyo Grande and San Luis Obispo therapist for women in CA who struggle with past trauma and current anxiety. I specialize in EMDR therapy. If you’re interested in learning more about how to manage past trauma or current stress and anxiety through therapy, click here to contact me for your FREE 15-minute phone consultation.

Take good care of yourself. Remember, you are worthy of the same care, attention, and kindness that you give to others. 

Tips to Find a Great San Luis Obispo Therapist, Psychologist, or Counselor

San Luis Obispo, CA exudes charm in every corner, boasting near-perfect year-round weather, breathtaking hiking trails, and close proximity to stunning beaches. Its charming downtown is lined with an array of delightful shops and boutiques, and the area hosts several Farmers' Markets each week. Life in this town can be truly enchanting. However, living in San Luis Obispo does present challenges, including limited options for specialized services. If you're seeking a local mental health therapist, I'm here to assist you in finding the support you need.

I want to help you find a great San Luis Obispo therapist

Below are a few suggestions to help you in your search:

Find a San Luis Obispo therapist through Psychology Today 

A great place to start your search is psychologytoday.com. Begin by entering your zip code, and then use the “refine” feature to customize your search. You can refine your search by a specific issue, your health insurance provider, type of therapy, therapist’s faith orientation etc. 

Find a San Luis Obispo therapist through a therapist’s website 

On many therapist’s profiles on Psychology Today, you will find a “My Website” link. I encourage you to choose a few Psychology Today profiles that resonate with you and then explore those therapists’ websites to learn more about their specialties, style, services etc.

Find a San Luis Obispo therapist through your health insurance

Some therapists are contracted directly with health insurance providers. However, many of us (including myself) are out-of-network therapy providers who can give you with a superbill (a form that lists the services you engaged in) that you can submit to your insurance company for possible reimbursement. Being a private pay therapist enables me to focus 100% of my attention on giving my clients the care and attention they deserve.  

Find a San Luis Obispo therapist that specializes in treating the issue you are struggling with

Some therapists are generalists and enjoy working with a variety of different issues. Other therapists specialize in a specific population and/or issue(s). For example, in my private therapy practice I specialize in EMDR therapy and online EMDR therapy and I work with women who struggle with past trauma, anxiety, stress management, and/or ADHD.

On Psychology Today profiles many therapists include a long list of areas and issues that they specialize in. I encourage you to check out their website to get a clearer picture of who they are, how they work, and the types of issues that they specialize in.

San Luis Obispo therapy in-person vs. online therapy 

Since the onset of COVID-19, online therapy (also known as telehealth, teletherapy, virtual therapy, etc.) has significantly increased in popularity. While some may perceive online therapy as less personal than in-person sessions, it offers numerous advantages. Many individuals appreciate the added flexibility of online therapy, which allows them to better balance work, children's schedules, and other commitments. This includes the convenience of scheduling therapy sessions during lunch breaks, after dinner, or on weekends. Online therapy also provides a safe option for those with compromised immune systems, eliminating the need to risk their health by attending in-person sessions. Furthermore, many people find that engaging in therapy from the comfort of their own home leads to increased comfort and reduced anxiety.

San Luis Obispo therapist vs. counselor vs. psychologist vs. life coach

The term therapist and counselor is often used interchangeably to describe a professional with specialized training in mental health disorders, emotional and behavioral challenges, and healing after trauma. In California, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) must have at least 3,000 hours of supervised hours and pass a law and ethics and clinical exam before becoming licensed. 

Psychologists often focus on assessments, research and/or teaching and may work closely with a psychiatrist who prescribes medication. Although psychologists and therapists have many of the same skills, psychologists much obtain a doctoral degree. 

Life coaches often focus on life improvement, increasing motivation, and boosting confidence in a variety of different areas. Although many life coaches have specialized training and/or certifications, there are currently no legal standards for becoming a life coach in California. Many life coaches gain their skills through life experience, and they may or may not have specialized training. 

I hope this information helps you find the right therapist for you in San Luis Obispo or Arroyo Grande, CA

A free consultation with a San Luis Obispo therapist

Hi! I’m Andrea Bey, LMFT, an Arroyo Grande and San Luis Obispo therapist for women in California struggling with past trauma, anxiety, stress management, and/or ADHD. Call me today at (805)225-4495 for your FREE 15-minute phone consultation so that you can leave the anxiety and stress behind and live the life you want to live.